No Kings
The Setup to No Kings (Visual – Leather Chair, Raised Stage)
The so-called “No Kings” movement was a short-lived, mostly online slogan that grew out of progressive and anti-Trump circles during the pandemic. It was meant to signal opposition to authoritarianism and the idea of one man holding too much power, especially in reference to Donald Trump, who critics portrayed as acting like a monarch. The irony, of course, is that while activists chanted “No Kings” to reject Trump, many of the same voices were perfectly comfortable with sweeping government mandates, restrictions, and censorship pushed by their own political leaders. What began as a rallying cry against Trump’s supposed strongman tendencies quickly revealed itself as a hollow phrase—applied only when convenient, forgotten when it clashed with the behavior of those on their own side.
Sarcastic Observation and No Respect (Visual – Comic on Stage)
See, Americans love to say, “No kings! We don’t got kings here!” Like that’s supposed to mean something. No kings? Yeah, okay. We don’t got kings—what we got is committees, commissions, and corporate overlords. Instead of one guy in a crown telling you what to do, we got ten thousand guys in suits, clipboards, and Bluetooth headsets. No kings, just a bunch of middle managers with God complexes. And everybody bows anyway—just not with a crown, with a QR code.
We brag about “freedom.” Yeah, freedom to pick between Pepsi and Coke. Freedom to choose which billionaire owns the store you shop at. Freedom to elect one of two professional liars every four years. But hey, no kings! That makes it all better, right? Meanwhile, the guy with the crown in England at least admits he’s a king. Our kings pretend they’re “public servants.” Public servants! The only thing they serve is themselves, on a silver platter, with your tax dollars. And we? We don’t get no respect.
And the best part? The people eat it up! They chant it, they scream it: “No kings!” Meanwhile they’re kneeling at the altar of Amazon, Target, Starbucks, CNN, Fox News, TikTok—pick your king, folks. They just don’t call it royalty anymore, they call it “brand loyalty.”
Then came the pandemic. Oh boy. Suddenly, all the mom-and-pop shops got padlocked tighter than grandma’s liquor cabinet, while every giant corporation stayed wide open. Because apparently viruses only hang out at Joe’s Hardware, not at Target. But I didn’t care, as long as I could get my Starbucks and my Target, I was fine. No kings! And yet… we got treated like peasants. We got no respect.
“Take the jab or lose your job.” That’s not a choice, that’s a mob shakedown with a doctor’s note. Couldn’t go to a restaurant without flashing your vaccine papers like it’s East Berlin, 1962. And people lined up smiling, like, “Yes sir, may I have another?” No kings, just a bunch of bureaucrats in paper crowns telling you how to eat dinner. And guess what? We didn’t get any respect.
Hospitals—oh, that was rich. Couldn’t even hold grandma’s hand while she checked out of life. Nah, rules are rules. She had to die alone, in a room full of strangers in plastic suits. That’s compassion, 21st-century style. And the schools—oh, let’s torch an entire generation’s education, keep the kids home, turn ‘em into iPad zombies. But hey, at least Fauci got to do another TV spot. No kings! And the kids? They didn’t get no respect.
Then the magic potion. “Take it and you’ll never get sick!” Remember that fairy tale? First it was 100 percent, then 95, then 75, then “ehh, maybe it sorta helps, who knows, buy another booster.” It was like a used car salesman in a lab coat. And when people pointed out, “Hey, this thing doesn’t do what you promised,” they got censored, banned, erased from the internet like they never existed. Free speech? No kings, baby! Just corporate censors in yoga pants deciding what you’re allowed to think. And let me tell you—nobody got respect.
And here’s the kicker: you don’t actually hate authoritarianism. You just hate whatever the news algorithm tells you to hate. Hate this, hate that, scroll, click, obey. When the government really went authoritarian, everybody said, “Yes sir, more please, I’ll take two with oat milk.” That’s the joke. That’s the punchline. No kings, no dictators, just smiling managers with clipboards. And us? We complied, we forgot, we moved on to the next outrage.
So yeah—no kings. Just puppets with fancier strings. And the whole time, folks like me, folks like you—we didn’t get no respect.
Record Scratch – Back at Work (Visual – Autodidact Construction Worker)
The harsh truth is that far-left Democrats, in their relentless overreach and exaggerated rhetoric, are doing irreparable damage to their own party. By pushing absurd policies and clinging to narratives like “no kings” while exercising blatant authoritarianism, they have alienated everyday Americans who simply want common sense. The rest of the nation is increasingly coming to the conclusion that they are sick and tired of being manipulated, censored, and controlled. What people now demand is straightforward, honest leadership—no kings, no manufactured outrage, and above all, no more hogwash.